A Guide for Everyone
Trauma doesn't discriminate. It quietly seeps into the lives of people regardless of their gender, age, or background. But when it comes to men, trauma often remains misunderstood and often goes unnoticed. As it’s Men’s Health Week, I wanted to dive into this topic and look at what male trauma is; why it's often overlooked, and how we can all do a better job of recognising and supporting men who might be struggling.
Firstly, what is trauma?
Trauma is essentially any deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have long-lasting effects on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. When we talk about male trauma, we're zeroing in on those traumatic experiences that are specific to men or more frequently experienced by them. These can range from childhood abuse, bullying and domestic violence to combat experiences, workplace accidents, and the societal pressure to ‘man-up’ and hide their feelings.
For men, trauma can often be traced back to both personal experiences and societal pressures. In many cultures, men are expected to be stoic, strong, and unemotional. This means that boys are often taught, directly or indirectly, to ‘toughen up’ and keep their feelings to themselves. As a result, when something traumatic happens, men often bury their emotions instead of dealing with them.
Imagine carrying a heavy rucksack every single day. At first, it might not be too hard. But over time, as more weight is added, it gets harder and harder to move forward. For men, unaddressed trauma is like that ever-growing rucksack. We might seem fine on the outside, but inside, we’re struggling to cope with the weight of the pain.
Why is male trauma often overlooked?
To start with, societal expectations play a massive role. Men don’t want to be seen as weak or vulnerable if they admit they’re hurting. This can make them less likely to seek help or talk about their feelings. Instead, they learn to wear the ‘mask of masculinity’.
Also, there’s a lack of awareness. Many people still associate trauma with big dramatic events like wars or natural disasters and overlook the everyday experiences that can deeply affect someone's emotional well-being.
What are the signs of male trauma?
Unlike the dramatic breakdowns portrayed in the media, trauma can manifest in subtle ways. Here are a few things to watch out for:
Emotional Numbing - Sometimes we distance ourselves emotionally, which makes us seem cold or detached, but actually it’s a way to avoid feeling the pain.
Irritability and Anger - Instead of showing sadness or fear, we might express trauma through anger. It’s a way of saying, ‘I’m hurting,’ without actually saying it.
Substance Abuse - Using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain is really common. It offers a temporary escape, but can lead to more problems in the long run. For more details see my blogs on addiction.
Isolation - As men, we might withdraw from loved ones or activities we once enjoyed. It’s like we build walls around ourselves to keep the pain hidden.
Physical Symptoms - Chronic pain, headaches, or stomach issues can also be signs of trauma. The mind and body are deeply connected, and emotional pain often has physical manifestations.
Remember though, there are many more 'signs' that could be present but are hidden behind layers of protection, lurking in places that people cannot see. Men in particular are often very good at hiding them from others - and from themselves.
What can we do to help?
First and foremost, it’s really important to create a safe space for men to talk about their feelings:
Listen without judgment.
Let men know it's okay to feel vulnerable.
Encourage men to seek professional help if needed. Therapy isn’t just for women; it's for everyone.
Educate yourself and others about male trauma. Share articles - such as this one(!) and link up with men and women on social media who are talking about trauma. The more we understand, the better equipped we are be to offer support.
Finally, challenge societal norms. Teach boys that it’s okay to cry; to ask for help and to express their emotions. By doing so, we’re paving the way for a future where no man feels he has to carry the burden of trauma alone.
Understanding male trauma requires us to look beyond stereotypes and acknowledge the quiet battles many men face every day. By offering empathy, support, and education, we can help lighten the load and promote healing. Remember, everyone deserves to be heard and supported, regardless of their gender. Let's help the men in our lives feel they can share their load!
If you, or someone you know has been impacted by reading this and would like to explore working with me, click below to book a free 30 minute discovery call.
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